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I know that you think that all this is just a infatuation, a fleeting moment of madness. Honestly, I wish it was true as well. But time, and again, I find myself weak in your presence. I would like to blame it on the heat, but we would both know that I am lying.
You may find me silly, for not learning to give up. But how do you give up instinct? Loving you is something I am innately born with. So how do you do without something that is part of you?
I tried to think of you as evil, and toxic to my sanity, but in the end, it proved to be futile. How can I ever think anything vile of a person with such a kind smile, and the most dazzling eyes that can take a man’s breath away.
Loving you made me feel out of sorts when I am without you. The only moments of happiness is when you are there, because I can’t help but feel that I am complete.
Montgomery Clift’s character in, “A Place in the Sun” sums up my feelings for you perfectly.
"I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you. I guess maybe I’ve even loved you before I saw you."
I guess what I am trying to say is that I’ve loved you since you first insulted me, and I promise to continue loving you for eternity. Will you promise to do the same?
If I had a genie in the bottle, my first wish would be that my life could be a sit-com. Over the study break, I watched a lot of dramas, and it got me thinking. I finally understand why they are so addictive - it’s because they portray the world we want to live in.
If you dissect a typical dramedy, you will get:
1) Cool parents
2) Awesome group of friends
3) Loving relationships
4) One night stands
5) Fashionable wardrobe
6) Hot people falling head over heels for you
Seriously, who wouldn’t want all this? But if you look deeper, you’ll realise just how perfect it is. In the dramedies, everyone is always smiling. No matter what happens, there will always be a perfect solution.
Life revolves around you. There’s always something life-changing that happens, and it always involves you. You can do whatever you want, and there will always be no backlash.
Differences are embraced. What’s more, they are envied. People in dramas dare to be different, but in real life, we much rather hide behind a shell of comformity.
The best part, is the love. Although there are many break-ups, the first dates are always perfect. Even their heartbreaks are enviable.
Argh. I dread reality. I guess I am really turning out to be a true blue Pisces. All the time, I am just looking for a way to escape into my perfect world. But I got to stop, and instead, start to create one.
Buddha is right. You can only be happy if you allow yourself to be. If I stop with the self loathing, I’ll be truly happy.
On another note, I would kill to be in one of the relationships in the dramas. 18, and the only love I experience is either unrequited, or in my head. Oh man, isn’t there suppose to be someone out there for everyone? What about me. At the age of 18, I am contemplating online dating.
It’s not that I am scared to be alone. I know I’ll never be, because of I have my family, and Cozy. But there’s so much I am willing to give, but no one to give it to.
I want to snuggle with someone all night too. Then wake up early the next day to make breakfast. I want to buy flowers, and shower someone with gifts. I want to have someone to watch movies with, and to commentate on the sports I like.
Oh God. I am soooooooo lonely. What if no one ever likes me? Maybe that’s the reason I am trying so hard to fit in. Hoping that someone will notice me, like in all those dramas I watch.
This is unhealthy!!!
What’s worse, I am afraid that I will end up with the wrong person. Why can’t I have a childhood lover like in all the stories I read. I don’t want to end up with all the wrong people, and waste my youth. I want to do it once, and do it right.
I know you can’t plan such stuff, but you can hope, right?
Here’s hoping that someone will finally notice me. Someone who doesn’t mind my sweaty palms, my chubby tummy, my excessive amount of hair, my nonsense, my yappiness.
ARGH. Why couldn’t the person I loved love me back. O WELLS.
Okay. Was inspired to blog because of the show Awkward. I am beyond screwed. But real life is too harsh. I will never stop watching dramas.
THANK YOU BYE BYE.
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